What really is sin?
Because I think of sex or pleasure,
or wish for the welfare of my family and friends more
than the welfare of those I see as different,
those whom I fear,
are these my sins?
To wish I were different than God created me –
isn’t that the sin of blasphemy?
To deny or try to ignore the parts of me that hurt,
that I want to forget, that bring others pain,
that diminish my sense of dignity,
that distance me from others rather than uniting me with all,
isn’t this the truest sin?
It is easier for me to believe that if I am good,
or even if I try to be only good,
then I am worthy of being loved,
that I am lovable, especially by God.
But if I deny that which I judge to be bad –
the prejudice, ego, fear, emptiness, insecurity,
the hidden darkness –
then I deny the most awesome aspect of Love,
namely that God loves me, all of me, as I am.
There is nothing I can do to earn this love.
There is nothing I can do to justify this love.
Your love is infinite and unconditional,
and oh how hard that is to swallow!
Yet, to deny this surely is the greatest sin,
and so universal that perhaps it is the original sin.
Cleanse me of my sin, oh Lord.
Let me see myself as I am,
not just what I judge to be good,
but all of me.
Let this truth lead me to true freedom,
acceptance that I am cherished now
as I have always been cherished by you,
as I will always be cherished by you.
Let me believe with all my heart that this apparent non sequitur –
that a person such as me, with lightness and darkness,
reflects you –
Surely you are mystery
and I pray that you will grant me the courage
to embrace your love more fully,
to accept all of myself more fully,
because you already love and accept me beyond measure.