So Far
I have drifted so far from church
that I have lost touch with the liturgical seasons
and the markers that distinguish ordinary time.
When was Pentecost this year?
I miss wearing red and dancing/singing
in the flow of the Holy Spirit.
I miss hearing the familiar readings and
perhaps receiving a fleeting reinvigoration,
a new or newly remembered insight.
I miss being with people, especially the ones
I know well, especially the ones who know
and still love me.
I miss the rhythm of the week,
a moment set aside to gather and reflect,
to stop, to connect, to belong.
Yet it is human nature to allow painful memories
to fade sooner, farther.
Yet there were times that hurt, when my church
rejected me, when the graced decision was to leave…
and so far it is not yet time to return.
Reflection and Prayer
If you have been rejected, criticized or even laughed at because of your faith in Jesus, spend some time sharing with him how that felt. Let him listen with love about how you were hurt and how that may continue to trouble you. He understands. Then allow him to reveal to you how he feels about you right now, and how he wishes for you to know him more fully, love him more deeply and follow him more closely in the coming days and weeks.
Alternatively or additionally, if there is someone you know who was hurt by the church, have a conversation with Jesus about what you could do for them, even if it is simply to pray for them.